Episode 11

full
Published on:

24th Oct 2021

Ramblings IV

As we find our new place here with a new editorial staff, we just need to know what happens in this short episode ;).

Riley shows us why Quincy and Ramses want to commit war crimes against them, and we find out what cults we may be part of. :o

This episode has a transcript! View it at https://cautiondonotopen.captivate.fm/transcripts.

Transcript
Ramsses:

It is me

Riley:

Hewo Ramsses, uwu

Amber:

(groaning)

Quincy:

The pain is real

Ramsses:

Okay, Amber, I'm sorry I hurt you

Amber:

(laugh) No, it's Ri-- (anger)

Riley:

Quincy and Ramsses react so aggressively to it. And that's the funny part.

Quincy:

Facts.

Ramsses:

I wonder why.

Riley:

But you- You threatened my life when I uwu at you so I'm gonna keep doing it.

Ramsses:

Oh my goodness.

Jackson:

(laughter)

Quincy:

What do you mean it is aggressive reaction when I say that I'm going to... slam your head through a table.

Riley:

(laughter) I don't know, man

Quincy:

Yeah, yeah, you! You are the most aggressive person out of me and Ramsses.

Amber:

I will murder all of you!

Riley:

I don't know what you're talking about. Amber...

Quincy:

You said that to Grayson, you said that to Adam.

Riley:

(flashback) I bleached my hair earlier. And it's kind of orange and it's kind of spotty in places, but I don't hate it. It's fun and funky fresh.

Adam:

So you're Donald Trump.

Riley:

I will murder you in cold goddamn blood Adam and I won't feel bad about it.

Adam:

How? My blood is warm.

Riley:

Not after you're dead, it's not.

Adam:

If you microwave it, it is.

Riley:

Okay, I'll just drink it first.

Adam:

You can't, it's cold. You have to warm it up in the microwave.

Riley:

Blood is blood.

Adam:

I wonder what happens when you put a baby in the microwave?

Riley:

It dies?!

Adam:

Nah, it'll just warm up. It'll just warm up!

Quincy:

You wann run by me... You want to run me again...

Ramsses:

Wow.

Quincy:

So... you got anything to say against that, Riley?

Riley:

I mean, no. But, you know, you threaten to like chokeslam me through tables. So like,

Quincy:

Um, you know that meme, right, with Grayson and a lot of other people in Neumont server, right? That says "Yeah, I'm a gamer". Why did we not make a post of gamers?

Grayson:

Oh my gosh, Quincy. You are a genius!

Ramsses:

I thought that was already a thing

Adam:

We're more of a group and now we're gonna just put a name under it.

Wesley:

Don't judge us Adam.

Riley:

I'm gonna shoot myself. God dammit.

Ramsses:

So, umm

Riley:

Unrelated

Grayson:

Whoa, there buckaroo. Shooting yourself isn't the way to go about it.

Adam:

That's illegal. And you can't do that because it's against the law.

Grayson:

That's murder.

Ramsses:

I'm sorry. I'm sorry guys.

Quincy:

I just need a... an Uzi and I can do like that clip thing that that one person that with the bullet bullet, yup.

Ramsses:

Like, so like I'm sorry, but I'm like- I've been like searching through this for like about 10 minutes.

Riley:

No one's gonna question why I randomly shouted that. Thanks, guys.

Ramsses:

You're welcome. I've been- I've been like- I've been searching over this for like 10 minutes and I'm sorry I'm just obsessed with the fact that a car manufacturer sells... that's part number 1998-500-A

Joey:

What are you talking about?

Wesley:

He's getting parts off the Volkswagens website, leave him alone.

Ramsses:

Yes, yes, it's Volks-

Wesley:

Leave the man alone he has his needs. Leave him be

Ramsses:

I want to make this a cult. So um, so I just- I just want to say right now that wikiHow is just basically that one place you go to for if you have nothing to do and just want- just really want to know and how to badly huff gasoline. Well, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure a cult centered around Roblox Cheating is not going to bring anything good to the table.

Grayson:

Exactly.

Ramsses:

Goodness, am I really gonna pay 20 bucks just to-

Adam:

No, you're not. You're going to look it up on the workshop and see if they had- someone else made an exact duplicate of it for zero money.

Ramsses:

Don't tell me how to use my paycheck.

Adam:

I will. Because you know what? I will be your mother.

Ramsses:

You are not my mother.

Wesley:

Mom, stop it.

Adam:

I refuse.

Quincy:

Oh my God, Mom. I just want to go hang out with my friends.

Wesley:

I just want to hang out with my friends.

Adam:

Don't make me get the spatula again.

Wesley:

Not the spatula, please, no.

Ramsses:

See, that's why you can't be my mom. My mom wouldn't warn me before she tried

Wesley:

She'd just come into your room with a chancla and just absolutely wreck you.

Ramsses:

Yeah, exactly. She wouldn't even give me a warning. But she will- She will knock on my door

Wesley:

And then burst it wide open and like "what did I hear about"

Ramsses:

She will comically burst at wide open in a cartoon?

Quincy:

What did I hear you say on the podcast?

Ramsses:

Nothing mom

Quincy:

(laughter)

Adam:

Hey Ramses, I'm knocking on your door to respect your privacy but enforcing my laws as a parent.

Ramsses:

I'm coming in anyway! (thud)

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About the Podcast

Caution Do Not Open
College students didn’t know what they were doing and ended up here.
Caution Do Not Open is a comedy podcast that -- while starting out with specific topics in mind -- devolved into a podcast about... nothing! Join several (former) college students as they talk about so many different topics, the episode order doesn't make sense! Episodes are published the first Tuesday of every month.

About your host

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Wesley Thacker

Owner of Thacker Broadcasting; a 22-year-old running a business doing what he loves!