Episode 10

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Published on:

19th Sep 2021

Ramblings III

We’re back! At least, with this episode.

Welcome to Ramblings III, where we insult each other in very odd ways and we discover something… new about Adam ;)

This episode has a transcript! View it at https://cautiondonotopen.captivate.fm/transcripts.

Transcript
Quincy:

Wait, we haven't started the podcast yet?

Amber:

No

Ramsses:

We're talking about cars

Adam:

We haven't started the episode?

Amber:

No, we've just been talking the entire time

Riley:

It's like in DnD where our start- where our start time is 6 and we get started at 6:45 on a good day.

Quincy:

Look, no, here's what I was thinking in my head right? I thought I was gonna come in Riley and Grayson was gonna talk like most of the time about religion and cults. And then I was gonna come in and ask what was going on, but that didn't happen

Riley:

You can still leave and then come back in 20 minutes

Amber:

and we'll still be doing our wiggles thing

Wesley:

I'll just cut the wiggles and just be like, "here's ramblings number four".

Quincy:

You know what? Great idea, Riley and Amber. I'll be back in 20 minutes.

Riley:

Sets a timer.

Wesley:

He legit left, Oh my gosh.

Ramsses:

What did you think he was gonna do?

..."yeah, I'm gonna leave"

It's not like he's gonna come back with a pie.

Wesley:

He might. He might go put a pie in the oven

Amber:

I'll text him. "Hey, when you come back, bring pie"

(typing) When you come back, bring pie for all of us.

Ramsses:

Yeah, how tall is that?

Jackson:

(laughs)

Grayson:

Yeah, I can beat up

Ramsses:

I'm sorry. Now that we're on the topic of songs. The only thing I've got in my head right now... It just sounds like the Bill Nye theme, but it's coming from another room while I'm doing a packet in class.

Adam:

That's a very specific sound and I completely vibe with it. Like I understand.

Ramsses:

Are you kidding me? I didn't study the material.

Adam:

Bill Nye the Science Guy. Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill! It's just in another room.

Ramsses:

Arby's. We beat the meat. I mean, have the meat.

Adam:

I mean, we do both

Wesley:

Poor Carlos

Riley:

No, he deserves it

Grayson:

How tall is Carlos?

Adam:

He's a little cockroach. Right?

Ramsses:

Who's Carlos?

Adam:

That little cockroach that, uhh, Grayson posted in chat.

Ramsses:

I'm probably related to him.

Adam:

Can you beat him up?

Ramsses:

No there's- there's a running joke. It's because see, because in California, there's just like Mexicans everywhere. And I just so happened to be one. Like, I'm like I'm talking fully bred, like, from Mexico. You know? It's great. Anyway. So there's a running joke going around, or I just go around and tell people you know, like, "Hey, I'm related to 25% of California".

Amber:

So I asked Quincy to bring a pie, right? Let me stick this in #Media.

Ramsses:

You actually asked him to bring a pie?

Amber:

(laughs) Yes. Yes I did, let's look at what he said.

Wesley:

I could probably just...

Adam:

Beat you up

Wesley:

...do this as ramblings part 4

Riley:

I mean, yeah, it's been 45 minutes...

Amber:

Hi Quincy! Did you bring pie?

Quincy:

...not been 20 minutes. No. I did not bring pie...

Amber:

Did you bring pie? Aww.

Wesley:

No, he out.

Amber:

He left.

Jackson:

You see, now I should message him and ask him to bring pie.

Riley:

(laughs)

Amber:

Wes, you're just special

Wesley:

I know

Ramsses:

That's kind of... messed me up

Wesley:

Let me just send you this

Ramsses:

(attempted translation) citoyen

Riley:

English?

Amber:

Yeah, please.

Ramsses:

(in a bad Italian accent) Lamborghini. Lexus. Abba.

Riley:

That's cars.

Ramsses:

(continuing bad Italian accent) Alfa Romeo. Aston Martin.

Amber:

Of course, car boys talking about cars.

Ramsses:

(normal voice) It's kind of my thing.

Amber:

I know.

Adam:

Yeah. Just like horse girls you know?

Ramsses:

No, horse girl aren't aren't my thing. Sorry about that.

Grayson:

It's horse girls and car guys

Ramsses:

Horse girls and car guys

Adam:

Car guys are just the opposite of horse girls

Ramsses:

Yeah, because- let's see. Let's see. Horse girls will rave about their horses all day long and then car guys will just rave about their 1995 Honda Civic all day long.

(in a touch guy voice) Yeah, I got a VTech bro!

Adam:

They're on the same spectrum but they're on a different spectrum, you know?

Amber:

Why?

Ramsses:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got the k swap in the- in the Civic, you know.

Amber:

Why'd you insult me?

Riley:

Wait, Amber, are you a horse girl?

Ramsses:

(continuing tough guy voice) ...LEDs on the inside, it lights up any color I want but, I mean I'm colorblind so I can't really see that, you know?

Riley:

Wait, Amber, are you a horse girl?

Amber:

Nooooo. I'm talking to Wes

Wesley:

You're welcome (laughs)

Amber:

Thank you, Wes

Ramsses:

(continuing tough guy voice) Yeah, most of- my Scion FRS, uhh, it beats Mustangs, it beats Corvets, it beats, uhh, it beats anything under the sun so just go ahead and challenge me"...

(normal voice) ...and then he's the dude that leaves the moment he gets just absolutely whooped in the quarter mile.

From now on because, like, I kind of- in this- in these like in these podcasts I kind of want to have a running theme with myself where I'm like, a little mysterious. So I want to- I want to preface every- I want to preface everything I do from now on by saying "Hi, I'm the idiot that crashed a police car"

Wesley:

(Instrumental break)

Ramsses:

The only thing I could think of when the car finally stopped and I'm just sitting in a pool my own coolant is just "oh shoot the radio still on. Hold on, I gotta turn that off".

Wesley:

It's Ed Sheeran, I got to turn it off.

Ramsses:

I don't want to turn- I don't want to kill the battery.

Grayson:

Kill the battery with Ed Sheeran.

Adam:

I mean, you just got the car so...

Grayson:

It's like rock paper scissors, but it's like flipped police car, Ed Sheeran, battery.

Ramsses:

Except it wasn't Ed Sheeran. I forgot what song I was listening to. Hey, Amber, why'd you- why'd you slap Adam?

Adam:

I remember when my mom called my brother the N word.

Amber:

W-W-What?

Adam:

Yeah, my mom called my brother the N word. Like she just goes right to him and is like "You're such a..." and then.... Now, keep in mind, she has never sworn in front of me. Well, at least like- like casually. If she's yelling at me, she does sometimes, but she has never like just casually done it and just- she just drops that and I couldn't stop laughing.

Ramsses:

Hey, guys. Do you guys want to join me on using unconventional insults?

Amber:

Absolutely.

Adam:

I do compliments because I don't like being a bad boy.

Ramsses:

Oh, you're such a cheese curd.

Amber:

Oh shut the heck up you short little weeb

Adam:

Amber, when have I ever been bad?

Amber:

(laughs) Uhmm...

Ramsses:

Okay, whatever you say 10 millimeter wrench.

Amber:

Let me scroll through...

Adam:

Uh oh

Amber:

...our chats, Adam.

Adam:

Uh oh

Amber:

I have the receipts to prove you been bad (laughs)

Ramsses:

Oh okay coming from the... alright, whatever.

Adam:

I've been very, very bad. Tell me what a bad boy I am, Amber

Amber:

I don't like the way you said

Adam:

Please clip that. I need you to clip that and then put it here so I can...

Riley:

I'm going to file a restraining order against Adam (laughs)

Adam:

...send it to Amber whenever she like...

Ramsses:

You guys are- you guys are such seatbelts.

Wesley:

Excuse you?!

Adam:

Seat belts are very safe. I'll have you know.

Wesley:

I'll have you know

Riley:

That implies we're helpful.

Ramsses:

Okay, nail file.

Riley:

Ramsses, I will pop out your vertebrae like a Pez dispenser and sell them for profit.

Ramsses:

Wes

Wesley:

What?

Ramsses:

Stop being a soy sauce packet.

Wesley:

Excuse you, I'm at Taco Bell packet. I would like to be referenced properly.

Ramsses:

Okay, fine. Broccoli.

Grayson:

Broccoli Beef.

Ramsses:

You guys remember the the After School app?

Amber:

Yeah

Wesley:

Where... I think it was a bot-generated in all honesty, but I had one that was like, they were admiring me from a distance...

Riley:

Nooooooo

Wesley:

...and it was all sorts of sexual and whatnot. And I'm just like, could you not? I'm a- I'm a sophomore right now. Please leave me alone. Am baby, please leave me alone.

Amber:

Me?

Ramsses:

You know, you're such a great thing. Because like some people, it's, it's anonymous. It's anonymous. And that's what makes it so great. Because like, at first you will get something you'll get something obvious.

Riley:

What are you talking about?

Ramsses:

You'll- it's like- it's a Snapchat thing where you know...

Riley:

No, but like, what IS it?

Ramsses:

...people will like ask you questions or like, say something to you and you can respond back and it's anonymous, and it's fun most of the time. You know, it's- it's great because you can get something like- you can get something like, you know, like, oh, like "Who's your crush?" and then right after that you're gonna have someone like, "Not gonna lie went to Angry Chickz, got the hottest chicken they had yesterday and now my ass burns when it comes out".

ALL:

(laughter)

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About the Podcast

Caution Do Not Open
College students didn’t know what they were doing and ended up here.
Caution Do Not Open is a comedy podcast that -- while starting out with specific topics in mind -- devolved into a podcast about... nothing! Join several (former) college students as they talk about so many different topics, the episode order doesn't make sense! Episodes are published the first Tuesday of every month.

About your host

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Wesley Thacker

Owner of Thacker Broadcasting; a 22-year-old running a business doing what he loves!